TotenUniverse – Book 1
TotenSeries – Book 1


Alien Noise Corporation (2013)

Available free for Kindle, EPUB, PDF; paid for in paperback

The first book of the Totenseries and the opening salvo in the official account of Toten Herzen’s comeback. Murdered in 1977, discovered alive in 2013, this is the story of the band that refused to die and how one down at heel journalist, Rob Wallet, orchestrated the greatest comeback in the history of rock or possibly the greatest hoax of the 21st Century.

“Hard work didn’t kill him. Triple beer killed him. He drank like a bastard.”

“Did you lot pay any tax while you were in Germany?” Wallet asked.


“You were still earning money from royalties and sales in all that time, did you keep your tax affairs up to date?”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me this right now. Harper dealt with all that. I presume so. Will you get off the phone? Why are you asking that anyway?”

“It’s just that you’ve all got a tax bill for over a million pounds each.”

“Well, pay it, get someone to pay it or sort it out. Find an expert somewhere.” She hung up. “You know,” she said to the victim as his final moment floated away from him, “some people just live to bleed you dry. Do you know I’ve got a tax bill for a million pounds? A million! Are you dead?” The victim was silent and still. “Oh well fuck you then, forgive me for speaking.”


I know what you’re thinking; not another vampire novel. I don’t do vampire novels. Well, at the risk of being presumptive, you don’t do Twilight/Vampire Diaries novels. You don’t do middle class teenage girls stalked by old men disguised as the school frat boy novels.

We Are Toten Herzen isn’t like that. It’s not exactly classic Gothic noir either, but rehabilitates the vampire genre in a contemporary setting with nods to the European ancestry of the myth. The vampires of We Are Toten Herzen are human and monsters, clumsy and adept, violent and humane, and importantly, grown ups!

This novel is also the first instalment of a much larger series that will take you on a journey where fact and fiction mix and mingle until you don’t know which is which. A series of nine novels will make up the TotenUniverse, with diversions into witchcraft, black magic, Satanism and quantum physics.

“It sounds so much better when I tune it this way.”

Sit back and wallow in the discomfort of shambolic journo-publicist Rob Wallet, big mouthed short arse Dee Vincent, and towering over them all, literally and figuratively, the vampire queen (copyright Rob Wallet) Susan Bekker in all her paranoid egomania.

The TotenUniverse is the product of an army of non-existent creative types which means I have to do everything myself. By joining this over-ambitious attempt to create a new urban legend you’ll be stroking my ego with an intensity beyond measure.